December 19, 1997 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 25

BIG TIPS

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make them a match

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

There are many gestures that give wordless testimony to love: a touch on the small of the back, a soft stroke on the cheek, a pat on the butt; but surely the most tender is cupping the top of your lover's head so it doesn't ram into the headboard.

Dear Big Tipper,

It can be a lonely world, and I'd like to make it a little warmer by introducing two single friends of mine to each other. They're both nice women who have mentioned to me that they're looking to date. I've never done this before, though, and I'm wondering if there are any classic pitfalls I can avoid.

Dear Marry Tyler Moore,

Rent a Yenta

Right on, my brother! This is a great way for grownups.to meet each other with a little less risk than picking up a random tart in the bakery.

Obviously they're both looking and won't be insulted by your idea, since they both put their needs out there. Just follow the ThreePoint Plan of Matchmaking: Endorse, Introduce, and Get Out of the Way.

Let them both know you have someone nice in mind, and chat them up. If they're both interested, facilitate a little coffee date somewhere you can introduce them to each other. Then clear out.

If it doesn't click, don't accept blame, and if it does stick, don't go around gloating. It's their relationship, and if you want to keep them both as friends, you won't want to be that intimately linked to their very existence as a couple. I hope it works out for the best.

Dear Big Tipper,

Why does everyone have an opinion on my hair? It was always short, and all I ever heard was how it was so "severe." Now I've been growing it out for the past two years, and people keep telling me how cute it was when it was short. I'm sick of hearing that my hair should always be some way it's not. Sick of this Crapunzel

Dear Hairritated,

I think you're having a hard day. Make yourself a nice cup of tea, put your hair up in a bun, and soak in the tub, in the dark if necessary. Then, not that you should give a flying falafel what anyone else thinks, go get a good haircut. It can be Short 'n' Sassy, or

you can leave it Long 'n' Silky, but since you can't trim frayed nerves, at least the split ends will be gone. You're the one living under it: flip your own wig.

Dear Big Tipper,

I would like to know how to be a friend to my ex-boyfriend. He dumped me after 31⁄2 years, and in the past eight months we've gotten along worse and worse.

True, I had that time to move on, but due to being in the closet, I was still working on it. Now we are barely on speaking terms. I hate it and I think neither of us wants to just "be done with it.”

He is dating others, but why does he still want to drive a car in my name, use a cell phone in my name, credit cards in my name, etc. when he no longer wants me except for a friend? These are in my name due to his credit problems.

How can I just let go or try to be just a friend? Any advice is appreciated. I always intended to spend my life with him, but he couldn't wait any longer.

Still Love Him, But...

Dear Lots of Closet Space Now,

I'm assuming because you say he couldn't wait any longer, he was waiting for you to come out. Well, you heard it here last, folks: The closet kills relationships.

Why does he want to drive a car, call his new boyfriends on a cell phone, and use credit cards that are all still in your name? Because he can. Let him know that you're taking your name off of all of his accounts, then do it immediately. It's four thousand times easier to be friends with someone when your finances are clearly separated, and you'll only resent him if he screws up your credit.

If you both want to remain in each others' lives, you probably need some time away from him to remember why you liked him in the first place, to get back to a solid identity as an individual, and (please!) to come out. Good luck, sweetie.

Want to get some advice in real time? I cohost Savage Love Live, a weekly call-in radio sex advice program, and we're broadcasting live on the Internet. Check out the site: www.savageonline.com.

Meanwhile, please keep sending your burning questions on life and love to M.T. Martone, care of the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216631-1052, or e-mail to martone@ drizzle.com.

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